Some updates...

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Hello, my friends!

How are you all? It's been a while since I had a glimpse into your life on your blogs. Honestly, my life right now feels like it was split in two: before multiple myeloma and after...

I wish I could say that I have good news but that's not the case. My Mom was diagnosed with stage 3B which is, pretty much, the worst diagnosis. We do want to get a second opinion but she's been pretty sick lately. They haven't even started chemo on her because she's been battling virus after virus. I will go home before they will start the actual treatment.

Even worse is how she feels emotionally... It almost seems like she's not willing to fight because she is so tired of being sick. Her doctors are really indifferent and cold (another reason why we want to get a second opinion!). The doctors in Russia are not well paid - more like teachers - and that's, probably, one of the reasons why they don't care as much. Or why some take/want bribes...

My Mom also doesn't know about the seriousness of her condition. The doctors here don't disclose this kind of information to the patients. They don't even want to talk to the family about the details of the treatment! I had a very unpleasant conversation with her doctor when she basically snapped at me when I started asking for details about the meds they are giving her. It's so frustrating, and we all sometimes feel helpless. She's been in the hospital for 3 weeks now, and we are yet to see any improvement whatsoever!!!

She feels tired and scared. We decided not to tell her about how serious her disease and condition are just yet.With how depressed she is already, we don't see how that would help. But when she asks me if her disease is terminal, I just feel like my heart bursts into pieces inside of me... I feel so helpless right now! I think, deep down she knows... I honestly try to swallow hard that ball inside my throat and pretend like everything is fine! I love my Mom so much and I just can't see her suffering...Especially, because 3 days from now I will be on an airplane going back home. I so wish I could take her with me! I always knew that the fact that we live so far from each other will haunt me but I could never imagine it would happen so soon. It's hard to find any comfort right now.

My Dad also looks like a zombi. I swear, he lost all the pounds he had left and got ten years older...He's so used to my Mom doing everything for him (she did spoil him rotten) that he's absolutely lost. Since I came, I've been cleaning and cooking ALL THE TIME. I'm planning on cleaning the fridge and scrub and scrub before I go home...

We haven't completely lost the flicker of hope but it's so hard to stay strong (we do try as best as we can - for her sake). On Monday we wanted to call a few different hospitals to see if we can get a second opinion. Hopefully, we, at least, can find somebody who will CARE more!

And that's how the things are right now...Thank you so much to all of you who left comments, wrote letters, messages, gave support and have been supporting us through all of this time... It is a hard time for our family but it would be even harder if it wasn't for so many of you, my friends!