Monday, January 6, 2014

My heart is bleeding today...

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You probably remember when in July I told you about my hypothyroidism problems. One of the reasons why we knew something was wrong is because we tried to get pregnant again for a while. In fact, by the end of 2013 it's been exactly 18 months since we started trying. I went literally through a hundred tests because my hormones were all over the place and I would get symptoms that weren't it. But last week I had a positive test... It was one of those chepo kinds that you can buy in Walmart for 88c and that I always have a bunch on hand. But it was definitely positive. In fact, I tried with three more tests over a span of few days and they were all positive. I also bought a clear blue one that shows the weeks on it, and it confirmed that I was pregnant again.

We were so excited but I knew something didn't feel right. I can't even explain what was wrong but it didn't feel like my two previous pregnancies. I tried to brush it off as fear because of my sister's miscarriage or my unstable hormones due to hypothyroidism. But yesterday morning I felt really strongly that I needed to do another test. And it turned out to be negative...One more an hour later... Negative again. By evening I started bleeding and today I miscarried...

I feel like my heart is bleeding right now... I don't know why but when it all started, a song "Bleeding love" by Leona Lewis popped into my head. Not the whole song but the chorus where she sings "Keep, keep bleeding love..." I guess, it's because that's exactly how I feel right now... like I'm bleeding love...

I will take a break from blogging for a few days.... Until I scrape myself off the floor again...I'm kind of an emotional wreck right now...Those darn hormones...But I love you all, and I'll be back. Just not sure when yet...But I will!

49 comments:

  1. Psalm 34:18 – The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

    (((Love & Prayers)))

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  2. Lena~ I can't express enough how sorry I am to hear this sad news......take some time off, for yourself and your family~ Sending prayers your way~ Lynn @ Turnips 2 Tangerines

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  3. Lena, I'm so sorry to hear this. You have been through so much in 2013, and now this. I'm praying for you, girl. Hang in there, and thank you so much for sharing this with us. We care about you. XOXO

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  4. Oh Lena I'm s sorry for you and your Famiy. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
    Rhonda

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  5. I'm so so sorry to hear this news. Take as long as you need to get through this hard time. I wish I had extraordinary long arms so that I could give you a hug and a shoulder so instead I will send you a virtual one anytime you need it.
    Carolx

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  6. This is indeed very sad, Lena. Wish I could reach over and give you a huge hug!

    Nan

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  7. words do not seem enough..virtual hugs sent your way xxx

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  8. " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

    Sending you hugs {{{Hugs}}}

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  9. Hugs and prayers for you, Lena. You take the time you need.

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  10. I am so sorry :( Our oldest DD lost a baby at 4 months, such a heart breaking time. Take care of you and know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  11. Oh you poor love. I am thinking of you xxx

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  12. I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  13. God bless your heart! I am heartbroken for you. I will lift you up before our Great Healer. May He hold you gently in the palm of His hand and give you comfort and peace like you have never known.

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  14. Lena, from your previous "hint" I felt certain you were pregnant. Never thought
    I'd be reading this. Sorry, you are in my thoughts.

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  15. Lena, those are some really tough, sad news. I'm really sorry to hear them and that you and your family are in pain. But I wish you the best and that you feel a bit better soon and can find peace with these events. Sending you an e-hug across a few states.

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  16. Oh, Lena. My heart is aching for you, my friend. I know how this feels- I had 2 miscarriages. Please find some comfort in knowing that there are people (like me) who are praying for you, both physically and emotionally. Lean on the Lord and He will not let you down. Hugs and prayers!

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  17. All I can say is HUGS Lena as I know how hard this type of loss can be, there are really no words to express the hurt a woman experiences , but know my thoughts are with you and I will be praying for your healing and mending heart.

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  18. I am so sorry for your loss, Lena. Will be remembering you in prayer.

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  19. Oh Lena I am so sorry...sending you hugs and love. Don't give up hope - if another child is meant to be it will happen, if not then you have the perfect family for you. I truly believe this. We love you too my dear.

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  20. Lena, sending HUGE HUGS your way. I have been there (1 miscarriage and a stillbirth) and my heart aches for you! I will pray that you will find comfort in your husband and sons and in knowing that your blogging friends are here if you need us or even just need to talk/vent. *HUGS*

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  21. Oh, Lena, my heart is hurting with you today. I had a miscarriage right before Josh and no one really knew about it. I had to go in for lots of blood tests and the uncertainty is awful. It doesn't matter how far along you are or who knew about the pregnancy, it still hurts a lot. Babies and pregnancies bring such hope and excitement that when that is lost, it's very hard to deal with. I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

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  22. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear this. I love your blog and you are a great source of inspiration to me. I don't know what to say except to say that I am sorry.

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  23. Lena, I'm so sorry. Hugs and prayers for you.

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  24. Dear Lena, I am so very deeply sorry. In September my oldest daughter miscarried and then again in October. In October my youngest daughter also miscarried. I so understand the deep sorrow you are going through. Prayers said for you dear.

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  25. God Bless, Lena...and your dear little baby is happy in heaven. I know that doesn't help your sadness right now though. I've had 4 miscarriages (and my mom had 4). I have 6 children now and my mom had 7, so there is hope. It is mysterious, but it is God's will, to think that another child can be conceived and spaced close to the ones that are in heaven. I've heard the chances of getting pregnant are greatest soon after a miscarriage, so I've always been hopeful.

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  26. Words don't really do much here, but I am thinking of you and praying for your whole family. I am so sorry.

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  27. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'll be thinking of you & your family. Big hugs to you tonight.

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  28. How are you doing today honey? I have been through this many times and I feel for you. I want to tell you not to worry, I want to tell you that it is okay, I want to tell you so many things but I also realize that it will do no good, grief is grief, just know that things happen for a reason and there is one that knows us better than all. Love you

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  29. Oh honey, my heart aches for you.

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  30. I can't find word to say how sorry I am! Keeping you and your boys in my prayers. Many hugs!

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  31. I've been there twice. I'm sorry.

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  32. So very sorry Lena. Sending prayers to you. May you God grant you strength and comfort during this difficult time.

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  33. So sorry for your loss. I have been through it before and I can understand how you are feeling. Sending prayers to you.

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  34. Sending prayers for your whole family. I have had two miscarriages myself and I know how devastating they are especially when you have been trying to get pregnant. Clare

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  35. <<>> So sorry for your loss, Lena & hubby. Please know you are in many many prayers. May God strengthen you and guide you through this sad time. Peace.

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  36. So sorry. It's a very difficult time for you. Take care.

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  37. My Spirit fell when I read this Lena. xoxoxo

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  38. Okay now I am worried, how are you? Can I do anything for you?

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  39. Thinking of you Lena. {{hugs}}

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  40. I'm so so sorry. And I'm sorry that this comment is so long after the fact. Prayers and hugs.

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  41. I am so sorry for your loss. May God give you strength in this.

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  42. I haven't checked your blog for a while, so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. ( (hugs))

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  43. I am very sorry for your loss. It is hard. Take good care of yourself.

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