Today I had the opportunity to help in my Kindergartener's class in school. Once in a while they do a fire drill to teach the kids what to do in the case of fire and other dangerous situations.
Today was one of these days...The siren wailed, inside doors locked and the kids quickly followed their teacher outside through a second door as I and another volunteer closed the procession. And as they were prancing and chirping like the little birds ahead of us, I suddenly had a sickening feeling. What if it wasn't just a drill? What if it was real, and some or every single one of these precious kids could be in danger?!
As I was looking at the curly blonde head of my sweet boy a few feet away from me, I felt my heart squeezing in my chest. Once we lost our little guy for a short period of time. But it was the longest fifteen minutes of my life. When we moved to our current place, our firstborn was about two and a half years old. He was (still is) always busy and didn't like to sleep - especially nap - much. One night he was up ALL night, and the next day we were exhausted and falling off of our feet. So after Church we decided to catnap and tried to put him between us. Well, we fell asleep but he didn't...
I only slept for about fifteen minutes. When I woke up, I couldn't see or hear him. I ran through the whole house, looked in every closet, corner or crevice. He was nowhere to be found. I looked through every window but still couldn't see him. I screamed to my husband and ran to the front door. That's when I realized that it was not locked. I started feeling physically sick and all kinds of thoughts ran through my head. I ran outside yelling and screaming. I couldn't see him anywhere. I ran bare feet up and down the street as my husband was dialing 911. Then I had a strong impression to go to the back yard (I had already been there). So I ran there again, and as I was almost ready to leave, I noticed some movement under the patio of our neighbor's yard. It was my boy playing with their outdoor toys. We had a tiny whole in the chain link fence between our yards but never in my life would I have imagined that he could pass through it.
The minute I saw him, I couldn't stand on my feet any more. I slid down on the ground and started balling, but I was also so grateful that he was OK. Apparently, he learned how to open the dead bolt which he immediately demonstrated to us as soon as we got back home (oh, the joys of motherhood...). But I don't think, I ever hugged him as much as I did that day...
Today I was thinking once again about all those parents who lost their children because of the evil in this world, from Sandy Hook Elementary school in December of last year to Beslan, North Ossetia, in 2004. And many other known and unknown tragedies.
I have no idea how to wrap up this post. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. I can only pray that God knows what's best and that He will bless and protect our children, and comfort parents in pain. But today I was reminded one more time to keep them very close to my heart ( and I don't care if someone will call me overprotective because they can mind their own business...)
I've been told that I'm overprotective with our daughter. but she is the most precious thing I have and I want to keep her safe. Now that she is 13 she is wanting to spread her wing a bit. Have to let her but sometimes it is hard.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is anything wrong in wanting to keep your children safe, it's a natural instinct.
Carolx
I agree. My Dad was sometimes overprotective, and I didn't like it when I was younger. But now that I'm a Mom myself, I'm grateful he did it because he definitely helped me to avoid trouble and some stupid mistakes in my life.
DeleteThere is evil in the world and it's hard to understand.
ReplyDeleteYes, unfortunately, it's true...
DeleteIt is an awful feeling that grips your heart when you miss your Child. I have had this same feeling a couple of times in my lifetime. x
ReplyDeleteIt's terrible! My SIL one lost their 4-year old in Disneyland. I can only imagine how that felt!!
DeleteRather over protected than not care at all Lena!!!
ReplyDeleteMy mother worked for social services in the UK and the stories she told me about the neglect and cruelty towards children in the families she had to visit would make your stomach turn...it did me!!! I cannot even begin to describe some of the things Mother told me. I remember when I asked my mother why she did that job and she replied "someone has to do it ,someone has to protect those children".
It makes me shudder when I look at my 12 year old grand-daughter and think someone could harm her or take her from us.
keep well
Amanda :-)
Some of the social are absolutely amazing! Your Mom was such a blessing in the life of those children because she cared!
DeleteEvery parent knows that feeling you're talking about. I lost my oldest on a public beach once (he was pre-school-aged and went under the door of the bathroom). It was a feeling I never, ever want to experience again.
ReplyDeleteIf I think of the tragedies in the news it tightens my heart strings too. I'll never understand such things, nor do I wish to.
Oh, I wish we could explain to our children that these games ARE NOT FUNNY!!! It's a scary feeling!
DeleteLena, you're a great mother! And I do think we've all been there before... that is any parents greatest fear for sure!! And overprotective!? Not even close my dear... you're a wonderful mother!!! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Carla! You are so sweet :)
DeleteI lost my daughter in a crowd once and it was the worst feeling in the world. Indescribable terror.
ReplyDeleteOur children are such wonderful Gifts. I am so grateful for them. They make me a little nuts from time to time though.
Overprotective would be if you jail them inside the house and never let them go anywhere at all, for no reason at all, until they turn 18. Or something to that effect. Caring and wanting to be present to protect them isn't. It's a horrible feeling, and there are horrible people in the world. One can only be so cautious, but yeah, the pain of a mourning parent is just too much.
ReplyDeleteOh I remember that sick feeling - almost the same thing happened to us but we found our little one curled up inside a laundry basket in her closet. When my oldest was 8 and my youngest 4, we moved to another house and while I was busy unpacking, my oldest unlocked the door and both girls went out front to play (they were NEVER allowed to play in the front yard). While out there, they met a neighbor child and went INTO that child's house. After I found them, I hugged each of them and then I probably ranted a little at the oldest for going into a stranger's house. Being a parent can be really scary. Watching the tv today, seeing the leveled elementary school in Moore, OK, I thought of all those parents.
ReplyDelete